Originally posted at Livejournal 31st March 2011
It’s been a busy few weeks and I will willingly admit to periods of deep frustration that there are not more hours in the day to write. This is especially true in the first half of the week when I just can’y get anywhere near a keyboard and find myself relentlessly scribbling in notebooks or on Post-it notes to remind myself of things. Of course, time passes, the week thunders on and I inevitably forget to return to these jottings, but they are still there, so if one day I have the time… I’m sure you know that feeling.
I was with my friend Liz yesterday. it was my six-monthly chat with her about how things are going in my job and where I am with the objectives that were set last autumn for the year ahead. We don’t have these meetings in the Church office – anyone who has visited me there will know that there are times when Piccadilly Circus is quieter. On the way over to our chosen venue, Liz said something that I know I feel and I’m sure you do too. Whenever we’re in the midst of a busy time we find ourselves looking ahead to a time – possibly two to three weeks in the future – when this busy time will have passed and we will be able to get on with what it is we really want to do, or get around to doing something that we’ve been putting off. Liz said that come the appointed time, she finds she’s just as busy then and that the magical point in time has shifted onwards to another three weeks ahead. A bit like chasing the end of the rainbow. That is the reality for me too. In my head, I’m assuming that ‘after Easter’ is going to be some mythical oasis of calm, where hours and days of emptiness stretch ahead of me into infinity. But it won’t. Come the end of April I’ll be just as busy as I am now and no doubt still moaning to anyone who will listen that I don’t have the time to do the stuff I want to do.
Some people like being busy and thrive on it. I don’t and I think it’s mainly because what I’m tasked by God to do, requires a lot of thinking and gestating time and this can’t be done in a rush. I clearly see that I’m in a time of preparation and that skimping on prayer, Bible study, reading related items and having time to think about what I’m learning, isn’t going to prepare me for what God has in store for me.
One of my favourite verses in the Bible – and if I ever buy you a Bible, this will be one of the two verses I will write in the front, is this:
I really FEEL that call to study so that I can be taught, rebuked, corrected and trained up and so that I can be equipped for what God wants me to do – which is then go on and write about the experience of living it. But where is the TIME in my week to make that investment? It’s not there. I do have an hour, more or less every day first thing, but it’s just not enough, I’m craving more.
So it’s time to look at what I’m doing and look at how I spend my days. Tough decisions will have to be made about what I do and do not chose to do and some of you may get annoyed with me in the process when I have to say no to things. My time is not my own, I am here at the pleasure of the Lord God Almighty, so if you have a problem with my availability from now on, you’ll have to go and see him.