It’s been months since I’ve written a Sunday morning blog; a combination of being very busy and not really knowing what to say, because I’ve been in a spiritual slump. Should Christians admit to that? Absolutely, because it happens to many of us and the reality of a life-long walk with God is that it’s not going to be spirit-filled wonderfulness all the time. There are days, weeks, months even when it’s tough, when you feel as spiritually dry as the desert and all the happy-clappy stuff going on around you can jar and you struggle to be around it. When I feel like this my attendance at church becomes sporadic, my daily Bible reading falls by the wayside and I start to drift away from my anchor point. It’s happened before and I’ve come through it so I’ve not been worried. It’s never a case of not believing, it’s a bit like catching a virus, one that doesn’t affect you in any major way, but just makes you feel under the weather for a while.
In March I was supposed to have surgery and it was postponed. I’d got myself keyed up for it to happen and to have it pulled with a week to go felt as it I’d had the batteries pulled out of me. There was a seemingly long wait until a new date was scheduled and finally, my surgery happened at the start of May. Since then, it’s taken longer than I was expecting to get back to ‘normal’ and there have been a few post-surgery issues that I’ve had to work through. Not only did my spiritual life go to pot, but my eating, my sleeping and everything else around me took a ‘hit’ over the last few months. However, I feel like I’ve finally turned the corner and green shoots are starting to bloom in the desert once more.
In all this God never moved, I was the one that moved, although I would be hard-pressed to say what precisely happened other than I think I could have taken my eyes of Jesus. Just like Peter, seeing Jesus walking on the water towards him, Peter got out and tried to walk over to Jesus as well, but found himself sinking because Peter was looking at what was going on around him, not keeping his eyes on Jesus (Matthew 14:22-32).
Jesus is coming back into focus for me and it’s nice to feel those springs of living water again instead of parched earth. It’s not instantly all wonderful again, but it’s better. I know from speaking to people with longer Christian walks than me that times like this are nothing to be afraid of, it’s part of the Christian experience. All we can do when these times appear is to trust that we will come through them, perhaps having learned something in the process.
What did I learn? That large section of the Old Testament worry me. That bodies need to be cared for and will not instantly do everything again if you find yourself with 73cms of scar to heal. And that even when you do find yourself disconnected from your church congregation, that they still love and care for you and given half a chance, will overfeed you big time.