The Extra God Bit: Sunday 27th October

Blue ButterflyThere’s a bit more to today’s blog and I wanted to post about it before we moved on into a new week. But first a re-cap if you don’t fancy hacking your way through two blog posts:

 

  • Last Wednesday, I was challenged by a Life in the Spirit seminar to really examine why I didn’t trust God enough to give my life wholly to him.
  • I searched my soul and got it down to the crux of the issue.  It came down to experiences I’d had as a child.  This was the focus of Friday’s blog post.
  • By Sunday I’d had time to reflect and do some more thinking and praying and found that my focus had shifted.  They’d moved away from those experiences and why they were holding me back, to what I felt I could trust him with now.  Could I trust him with what I feel is the core of me – my creativity and my passion for writing?  I found that was a surprisingly easy thing to do – to trust God with my future.  Sunday’s God Bit.

So that’s what I did; I made that decision to trust him with my writing, wherever it may lead – even if that’s into oblivion.   I came away from my computer and jumped in the shower to get ready for church.  While I was in there a song started to play in my head and I thought about what its writer, Yvonne Lyon had said about it on Friday night when we saw her performing.  She said that it came out of wondering if it was worth writing yet more songs when there were a vast number of songs already out there, asking is creativity worth it?

She called her songs written to kick against that apathy ‘these small rebellions.’  We make our marks and refuse to go quietly.  I went to listen to the song again and really listen to the words she was singing.  I found – as Yvonne’s songs have a habit of doing – that it encapsulated everything I was worrying about.  She can do in fifty words what it takes me a thousand to articulate.  With apologies to Yvonne if I’ve got her lyrics wrong.

These marks we make with all of the strength that remains,
Drawing our shapes in the dust, breathing in life.
These fears we face with all of the doubts that we share,
Trembling our way to the edge, crossing the line.

These small rebellions are greater than anything,
Dreamers and lovers and friends.
Here in this moment forever is changing,
Let’s give all we have just to find the beginning of everything.

These hearts we hold, with all of the grace that sustains
Mending the seams and the tears, turning to life.

These small rebellions are greater than anything,
Dreamers and lovers and friends.
Here in this moment forever is changing,
Let’s give all we have just to find the beginning of everything.

In the river that runs, in the sunrise tomorrow may bring,
There are no guarantees, when we risk love.

These small rebellions are greater than anything,
Dreamers and lovers and friends.
Here in this moment forever is changing,
Let’s give all we have just to find the beginning of everything.

The Beginning of Everything – Yvonne Lyon
from the Album These Small Rebellions – 2013
You can listen to it and buy it via Bandcamp and iTunes

The words of this song spoke to me on such a profound level.  They told me that what I’m here to do for God, these marks that I make on paper or on a screen, are bigger than any hurt I’ve experienced in the past, or any person who I’ve felt has let me down.  The work I need to do is more important than being popular or judged by a world that doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do.  I’m here to give all that I have just to find who for me is the beginning of everything – God.

Yvonne Lyon and me - being rebellious!

Yvonne Lyon and me – being rebellious!

Tears ran down my cheeks listening to the words of the song.  They spoke to me and reassured me that what I’m called to do isn’t just blogging, isn’t just storytelling; it’s ministry, it’s mission, it’s what God has me here for.   I don’t know if Yvonne views her songs as little ministry opportunities, but this morning her song and her words were what I needed to hear, precisely when I needed to hear them.  A word in due season.   Trust God with your writing, Rachel.  Don’t dwell on the past, trust him with your future.  What you’re doing is valid because you’re doing this for God.

And then I went to church and the whole service was about trusting God!  Talk about getting it for all sides! 😀

There was another song-related ministry moment there too.  The chorus to the old hymn Trust and Obey was going through my head earlier this morning, but because I didn’t know the first line I couldn’t look it up in my copy of Complete Mission Praise.  We sang it at church – twice!  At the end, I went up to Mel the worship leader and told her it was a song that had particular resonance for me this morning.  In turn she said she didn’t want to sing it because she didn’t like it and had almost cut it, but ended up for some reason keeping it in.  So her detested song was a blessing to me!

You might look at all this and think it’s a bit far-fetched and I admit, writing it down makes it look a bit strange.   But the end result is that my head and heart are now a much more peaceful place than they were last Wednesday.  I have wrestled with God and I have searched my heart to discover why there was this sticking point.  Out of it I have committed my future to God and I’m going to trust that the pain of the past will one day be healed.   My path is not mapped out, I haven’t a clue where I’m going, but I’m just going to give my all to my writing and see where God takes me.

Thank you Yvonne  x

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